


A Tale Of Two Stans And A Portal Gun

by Chilassa



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27196834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chilassa/pseuds/Chilassa
Summary: It’s a tale of two Stans, but Stan has a portal gun and is not impressed.
Relationships: Ford Pines & Stan Pines
Comments: 9
Kudos: 38





	A Tale Of Two Stans And A Portal Gun

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short slightly cracky fic for my own amusement. Rick gets mentioned like once in this fic so I wouldn’t call it a proper Rick and Morty crossover tbh. Have fun.

“There is  _ nothing _ about this I understand.” Stan says looking at the monstrosity before him.

“It's a trans-universal gateway, a punched hole through a weak spot in our dimension. I created it to-”   
  
“No no. I get that. But why the hell did you make it so big and tacky looking?” Stan interrupts. 

The portal looks incredibly impractical. And what's with all the writing around it and the weird unnecessary shape? 

“Stan, this is no joking matter. For once in your life listen to me!”   
  
Stan rolls his eyes. It’s clearly Ford who doesn’t listen, but he learned a long time ago not to argue with mad genius scientists. They always think they’re in the right no matter how wrong they are. He throws his hands up apologetically and gestures Ford to go on.

“This portal can be harnessed for terrible destruction. That's why I shut it down and hid my journals, which explained how to operate it. There's only one journal left. And you are the  _ only _ person I can trust to take it.”   
  
Ford hands Stan his journal. Huh, turns out Ford really called the right person to help him out. Destruction due to portals and dimension hopping are nothing new to Stan after all.   
  
“I have something to ask of you. You remember our plans to sail around the world on a boat?”   
  
Stan's whole face lights up with hope. This is it. After all he’s been through Ford gives him a second chance. They can finally fix their relationship and be brothers again.

“Take this book, get on a boat, and sail as far away as ya can! To the edge of the Earth! Bury it where no one can find it!”   
  
Ford can’t be serious.

“That's  _ it _ ?! You finally wanna see me after ten years, and it's to tell me to get as far away from you as possible!?”

“Stanley, you don't understand what I'm up against! What I've been through!”   
  
Ford can’t be  _ fucking _ serious.

“No, no. You don't understand what  _ I've _ been through!”

Stan wants to explain in more detail, but when the least traumatic thing that happened to you in ten years is that you once had to chew your way out of the trunk of a car, it gets difficult to know where to even start. He opts to go with the one thing that sums up his fucked up life the best instead.

“You think you've got problems?  _ I've got a mullet, Stanford! _ Meanwhile, where have you been? Living it up in your fancy house in the woods! Selfishly hoarding your college money, because  _ you only care about yourself _ . “

“I'm selfish?  _ I'm selfish _ , Stanley? How can you  _ say _ that after costing me my dream school?! I'm giving you a chance to do the first worthwhile thing in your life and you won't even listen!”   
  
How can Ford still be mad about one stupid accident Stan caused ten years ago? Stan has enough.   
  
“Well, listen to this. You want me to get rid of this book? Fine, I'll get rid of it right now!”   
  
Stan pulls out the portal gun he nicked from Rick and fumbles with the settings.   
  
“As far away as possible, you said? Sure. If that’s what it takes to make you happy.” He bites out, shoots open a portal and jumps through it before Ford can give him a reply.   


***

Ten minutes later Stan pops back into Ford’s creepy science lair. He’s a bit more dirty and wetter than before, but all in all his mood has increased drastically. He had enough time to think and came to the conclusion that a) Ford clearly isn’t in his right mind right now and b) that if Stan deserves second chances so does Ford. Hopefully Ford will be easier to talk to with his journal safely hidden.   
  
Speaking of his brother, is he still standing in the same place Stan left him? And keeping his mouth open for so long in such a drafty place can’t be healthy either.   
  
“So, I’ve been thinking we should-” A bite on his ear. 

Oh, looks like he accidentally carried something over with him. He opens a portal up again and flings the gigantic, but surprisingly light, slimy bug that attached itself to his back into it.   
  
“Sorry about that. As I was saying, I think we should try and start over again. You’re obviously going through something right now.”   
  
Stan takes a step towards Ford, who flinches and backs off.   
  
“Oh don’t worry that bug wasn’t poisonous or contagious. Probably.” Stan tries to wave Ford’s worries off, but it looks like that wasn’t what had Ford so shook.   
  
“How you the p-portal what?” Ford stutters out slack jawed and looks back and forth between Stan and the place where the portal disappeared from.   


“Okay. Nevermind. We’ll talk later.”    
  
Stan closes the distance between them and with one arm over Ford’s shoulder guides him towards the elevator out of the basement. Ford tries to protest, but in his weak state he’s even less of a match for Stan than normal.   
  
“No. Wait, the portal. It’s dangerous.”   
  
The panicked look in Ford’s eyes worries Stan and he does his best to calm him down.   
  
“It’s not turned on, isn’t it? Nothing will happen like this.”   
  
“But Bill. I have to dismantle it before Bill can use it!”   
  
_No. Oh no. Oh hell no._ Ford’s sleep deprivation. The  _ triangle _ shaped portal. Stan finally sees what’s been going on here.   
  
“You don’t mean Bill Cipher do you?”   
  
Ford’s horrified expression is answer enough. Stan will never leave his brother out of his sight again after this. He’s clearly worse at making life choices than Stan is and that’s really saying something.   
  
“Don’t worry, I haven’t made a deal with that bastard.” Stan says before Ford can ask.    
  
“Let’s just get you cleaned up first and then we’ll take a little trip to a hospital in a dimension that specializes in treating dream demon possessions. You’ll feel better in no time.”   
  
The elevator takes them upstairs and Ford stops protesting. If it’s out of trust in him or just sheer tiredness, Stan doesn’t know, but it’s a start. They can work on rebuilding their brotherly bond after Ford stops being every exorcist's wet dream.   
  
“There there.” Stan whispers soothingly and gently pats Ford on his back when he starts shaking.   
  
They’ll be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this nonsense!
> 
> [My GF Tumblr](https://shanklin.tumblr.com/)


End file.
